by Stop Mike Lupica on August 11 at 5:17PM
The Big Lead put up the second part of our (DJM certainly contributed heavily to these posts) Olympic Country Previews. It got really nice feedback from the commenters, which probably means TBL doesn't allow Albanians to comment. Not a bad idea, actually....
We won't repost all of the countries here, just our favorite 15:
The Gambia - One of those cool countries with a name that starts with an article, like The Ukraine, The U.S, The U.K, The Bronx, The O.C., The Honduras, El Salvador, and Le Banon.
Georgia - Located on the Black Sea (it looks darker at night), Georgia is a country that is both in Eastern Europe and Western Asia. Let that sink in for a second. It just blew your fucking mind, didn’t it? The country’s population is less than 5,000,000, and over a million live in the capital city of T’bisili (pronounced “At-lan-ta”).
Germany - WILL WIN EVERY EVENT. STAY OUT OF GERMANY’S WAY. Seriously, they haven’t tried to take over the world in like seventy years. They’ve gotta scratch that itch someday. Let’s not piss them off.
Great Britain - Once ruled the world. Now has a chance to take the silver in rowing. Hail Britannia!
Guatemala - Has never won a medal in the Olympics. Like Ecuador, their best bet is a racewalker, Julio Rene Martinez. Seriously, we still can’t believe the racewalk is an actual event. What’s next, the 100m pogo stick?
Guyana - The majority of Guyana’s GDP comes from kidnapping ransom payments.
Iraq - The Iraqi Olympic team will be made up entirely of US contractors. Expect them to do well. And then to kill everyone.
Ireland - Hasn’t done as well since bare-knuckle drunken boxing was removed as an event in 1984.
Israel - Ready to piss off almost everyone? Here we go: Please see “Palestine.”
Italy - With Manu Ginobili heading their basketball team, they should… wait, he’s from where?!?
Jamaica - Gwan witcha boi self, bumbleclot. Or something.
Japan - Great fun joy exciting sporting of match to win medal honoring fantastic! Neat-o!
Kosovo - Not yet an Olympic country, as they just declared independence from Serbia in Feb. Is currently recognized by 43 countries, including the US and 20 of the 27 EU nations. Also, as is the tradition in these parts, the Serbian minority in Albanian Kosovo is thinking of parting ways with Kosovo. The Former Yugoslavia: “Ready to start a World War? Consider the Balkans!”
Kuwait - The population of Kuwait is 3.5 million, but only 340K can vote. That’s because the majority of the population is made of non-nationals - over 2 million, mostly immigrants from Asia (Indians being the at the top of the list). It’s like the US, where 200 million people can vote, but only 62 actually do.
Kyrgyzstan - Would like to buy a vowel, please.
Mali - Sometimes gets the mail for Bali by accident.
Malta - Endangered by the presence of the Puerto Rican team, which often tries to “drink” the Malta team.
Micronesia - An unfair advantage in gymnastic events, due to their people’s tiny, tiny size.
Monaco - Only ever wears a lens in front of one eye.
Myanmar - Will likely take the gold in Men’s Team Monk Beating (new event this year).
Netherlands - They’re letting hell compete now? That’s hardly fair.
Netherlands Antilles - It is scheduled to disband on December 15th, 2008. Yep, this is the last time you’ll see these islands competing together. At least until the inevitable reunion tour. “Back together one more time, for the last time. With special guest appearances by Antigua!”
Niger - Racist.
For the full list, check out this post on The Big Lead.
Leave a comment
We won't repost all of the countries here, just our favorite 15:
The Gambia - One of those cool countries with a name that starts with an article, like The Ukraine, The U.S, The U.K, The Bronx, The O.C., The Honduras, El Salvador, and Le Banon.
Georgia - Located on the Black Sea (it looks darker at night), Georgia is a country that is both in Eastern Europe and Western Asia. Let that sink in for a second. It just blew your fucking mind, didn’t it? The country’s population is less than 5,000,000, and over a million live in the capital city of T’bisili (pronounced “At-lan-ta”).
Germany - WILL WIN EVERY EVENT. STAY OUT OF GERMANY’S WAY. Seriously, they haven’t tried to take over the world in like seventy years. They’ve gotta scratch that itch someday. Let’s not piss them off.
Great Britain - Once ruled the world. Now has a chance to take the silver in rowing. Hail Britannia!
Guatemala - Has never won a medal in the Olympics. Like Ecuador, their best bet is a racewalker, Julio Rene Martinez. Seriously, we still can’t believe the racewalk is an actual event. What’s next, the 100m pogo stick?
Guyana - The majority of Guyana’s GDP comes from kidnapping ransom payments.
Iraq - The Iraqi Olympic team will be made up entirely of US contractors. Expect them to do well. And then to kill everyone.
Ireland - Hasn’t done as well since bare-knuckle drunken boxing was removed as an event in 1984.
Israel - Ready to piss off almost everyone? Here we go: Please see “Palestine.”
Italy - With Manu Ginobili heading their basketball team, they should… wait, he’s from where?!?
Jamaica - Gwan witcha boi self, bumbleclot. Or something.
Japan - Great fun joy exciting sporting of match to win medal honoring fantastic! Neat-o!
Kosovo - Not yet an Olympic country, as they just declared independence from Serbia in Feb. Is currently recognized by 43 countries, including the US and 20 of the 27 EU nations. Also, as is the tradition in these parts, the Serbian minority in Albanian Kosovo is thinking of parting ways with Kosovo. The Former Yugoslavia: “Ready to start a World War? Consider the Balkans!”
Kuwait - The population of Kuwait is 3.5 million, but only 340K can vote. That’s because the majority of the population is made of non-nationals - over 2 million, mostly immigrants from Asia (Indians being the at the top of the list). It’s like the US, where 200 million people can vote, but only 62 actually do.
Kyrgyzstan - Would like to buy a vowel, please.
Mali - Sometimes gets the mail for Bali by accident.
Malta - Endangered by the presence of the Puerto Rican team, which often tries to “drink” the Malta team.
Micronesia - An unfair advantage in gymnastic events, due to their people’s tiny, tiny size.
Monaco - Only ever wears a lens in front of one eye.
Myanmar - Will likely take the gold in Men’s Team Monk Beating (new event this year).
Netherlands - They’re letting hell compete now? That’s hardly fair.
Netherlands Antilles - It is scheduled to disband on December 15th, 2008. Yep, this is the last time you’ll see these islands competing together. At least until the inevitable reunion tour. “Back together one more time, for the last time. With special guest appearances by Antigua!”
Niger - Racist.
For the full list, check out this post on The Big Lead.
Leave a comment
|
Never too late for a good laugh my friend
great post
(and I understood almost everything)