by Stop Mike Lupica on April 17 at 12:55AM
Boston-Atlanta: The Best First Round Playoff Series
Kevin G would be more than glad to take your hand, and lead you to the promised land.
Me wanna walk like a champion, talk like a champion.
If David Robinson was The Admiral, then KG is The Major. Or The Drill Sargent. Some ish like that. He rules the team with the harsh discipline of a Soviet-style dictator. With the Cult of Personality that the Boston (propaganda machine) media is building around their Beloved Ruler Kevin Garnett, he's The Turkmenbashi of the effing NBA, minus the rotating gold statue in front of the Fleet Center that perpetually points towards the sun (though no doubt Bill Simmons and crew will push for it if the Celts win the title this year).
What's the one thing that men of discipline fear the most? Chaos. Enter the only team the Celtics wanted to avoid in the first round - the entropic Hawks. These are not the '08 Warriors. The Warriors, despite being marketed as some unbelievable force of athlete ability, were a smart, savvy bunch of players, lead by guys like Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson who understand what winning requires. They hit three-pointers in between creating and finishing fast breaks.
When the 3-Mile Island Hawks, in comparison, finish a fast break it feels like a minor disaster was just averted. Most forwards in the league know to pass the ball back to the point and fill a lane. Here comes a Josh or a Williams leading another break. What the eff is they thinking?!?
Osh Smith chucked up 100 3-point attempts this season. He successfully hit them at the rate of a Canadian quarter. I suppose that constitutes progress, relative to the 152 attempts he took from downtown last season, at a similar 25% clip. Yes, J-Smoove can be the quite the human asthma breathe taker when he's a shot slapping, giant slayer, and not the trigger happy, brick layer. Still, it's hard to ignore that the Hawks lack the discipline to even slightly coerce Osh to resist the allure of 3-point siren's call.
A quick check of players who attempted that many three-pointers this season yields only a handful who shot below 30%: T-Mac at .297 Kevin Durant at .286 Ray Felton at .284. Once again, for effect: Osh shot 25.5%. And that's the lowest out of more than 100 players that attempted 100 or more 3-pointers!
Josh Childress, the only NBA player who could start for the Flint City Tropics. Yeah, ABAing is cool, but that type of retro is easy, man. You want props for bring back some old school flava? Rock the Bobby Brown flat top, holmes. Or, better yet, the Kid "eraserhead" hairdo.
I Want To Believe
Memo to Boston fans: Sam Cassell is your soul controller. Your fate is now in his hands. Soon you will be grateful that he ended up on the Celtics, or you'll be blaming him on some Buckner ish. Whatever the result, the metaphoric die has been cast. The thing about KG is this: he ain't the one to take the big shot in the fourth quarter. This is fact. Back in Minnesota in 2004, in the fourth quarter during the playoffs, who do you think was taking the shots, the ones KG wouldn't? Sam I Am.
What, you thought he was brought to Boston to back up Rondo?!?
Ain't sh*t changed but the number on the calendar. And so, like four years ago, when KG is in a tight game, the fate of the Celtics will come down to whether or not the big balls dance occurs. Remember two things Celtics fans: Better to rest it on Cassell than the alternative - to have no one to take the big shot down the stretch. One time last season in Minnesota, during the fourth quarter of a close, but meaningless, game, Kevin Garnett's inner fire burned so brightly it actually physically manifested. The resulting inferno required thousands of firefighters to control, and laid waste to 15% of California.
Oh, and two: Cassell, even way past his prime, is still a higher % than Josh Smith shooting a three-pointer.
Philly-Detroit: Like Watching Prince Suffocate Iggy?
I'm worth a million in prizes,
Yeah, I'm through with sleeping on the sidewalk.
What the eff? Can you pick a more unexciting first round series? Yes, the 76ers are exciting. They were 22-11 down the stretch. They have the defense to stand mano a mano con El Pistoles.
But the Pistons this year are very different from last year. Last year's team had a "bench" of Antonio McDyess, Chris Webber, Lindsay Hunter, and Jason Maxiell. The result was 40+ minute per game averages, against the Cavs in the playoffs, for the Fantastic Four of Tayshaun Prince, Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton. That many minutes, especially for a team that expends energy on defense, in a long series, is going to wear a team down fast.
This year's bench? Jason Maxiell, Rodney Stuckey, Aaron Afflalo, Amir Johnson, even Walter Herrmann and Juan Dixon are viable options. This year's Pistons go "bang bang", your guns go "ow pow".
By the way: what exactly is the 76ers offensive game plan going to be, after Prince's long arms shut down Iggy?
Don't Stop Believing:
You're riding high in April, shot down in May
I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race.
yeah, that's Philly.
But if there's nothing shaking come this here July
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball aaaand die.
-Old Philly/Jersey adage passed down through the generations
Oh, man. I'm sorry 76er fans. I was a believer; then I saw her face, and now there's a trace of doubt in my mind. I thought good times were coming soon for the 76ers, I really did.
Then Bill Simmons pointed out, without even knowing it, that Andre Miller is 32 years old.
Hold the f*ck up. Wha?!?
32 years old?
Around here headz don't act their age/ you might be another dead boy on the back page.
When Miller's contract expires next year, he'll be a 33-year old point guard? And the 76ers management, having made up their minds that he is an integral part of their future ("no trade!"), seem to have failed to mention that he has a limited future. Yes, go ahead and sign a 33-year old point to an extension, for big raise no doubt (at least a decent raise over his $10 million a year contract, right?).
And say, another 3-4 years, all with his skills declining? Does that, combined with Iggy's inevitable $15 million a year, 5-year extension, seem like a team that can compete for the title? Because with Sammy Dalembert's own big contract on board, it is going to be hard to add any more players to the squad after this offseason. Spend that free'd up Webber's Millions this offseason well, Philly. Because after that, this will be your team for the next three to four seasons.
Seriously, Miller's been in the league what, only 9 years? Was he the 25-year old rookie or something?!?
Orlando-Toronto: Most Meaningless First Round Series
If you still doubt this is the year of the Pistons, please note that should Your Detroit Pistons get past the 76ers, the winner of this series is their second round opponent. Meanwhile the Celtics get to take on LeBron in the second round, after chasing Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Al Horford and the Joshes in the first round. Just in case you were wondering why, while the Celtics pressed on to win 60+ games, the Pistons have been marinating since December, just content to take that second seed without pushing for the home court advantage too much. And you wonder why Aaron Afflado has been playing big minutes for the past month?!?
Fool Joe Dumars once, shame on Joe. Fool him twice, you are God.
And Dwight Howard is Black Zeus. That's what we've been calling him, until he put on the cape and turned into Superman. Now we'll going to pass that nickname on to Greg Oden, who probably remembers what it was like to rain thunderbolts down on people back in the days from atop Olympus.
The Raptors
Want to be me, you're just an imitation copy.
The Suns run-n-gun Euro system worked so well, several teams have tried to bite their style. The Grizzlies proved that giving up that many points on defense, without possessing the offensive efficiency that having three All-NBA players (Nash, Amare, Marion) in your lineup provides, leads to being on the short-end of more than a few 130-103 blowouts.
The Raptors? They just reminded the U.S. why we
don't actually play or televise Eurobasketball here. It's great to see
teams and players running up and down the floor, shooting jumpers at
will. But when other teams actually play, um, what's that word?...
defense?... we'll, it's not nearly as much fun to watch. And f*ck Spain...
the Raptors need more Argentines if they really want to be taken
seriously. Go see if Pepe Sanchez has anything left in the tank. Take
a flyer on Pablo Prigioni, the Euroleague assist leader last year.
Clone Manu.
Cleveland-Washington: The Most Explosive Series: Arenas vs. LeBron
This series will produce more 40-point efforts than any other in the playoffs this year. Can you think of any other player, save for Kobe if he decides to throw the team on his back just for old time's sake, besides LeBron and Gilbert who is more likely than them to drop a 40 point game?
Okay, fine... I'll give you Amare. But while he could drop 40, he's not more likely than LeBron or Gilbert to pull it off.
There is nothing to say about Gilbert Arenas right now. There is only watching, and hoping, left.
I say Jah shall execute judgment and justice. And none shall escape of get mercy.
Basketball Selassie liveth everytime.
After
a fight with brother Esau, LeBron had to take flight. He left Beersheba in a hurry. While on the road he had a vision. Or maybe it was just a dream. In it, LeBron dreamed of a
ladder, one that went all the way up into the sky. It was a magnificent ladder that
men could climb and descend as they wished, leading to the kingdom of heaven.
Only many years later would LeBron come to realize that he, in fact, was the ladder.
Western Conference Preview will be posted tomorrow.
Leave a comment
Kevin G would be more than glad to take your hand, and lead you to the promised land.
Me wanna walk like a champion, talk like a champion.
If David Robinson was The Admiral, then KG is The Major. Or The Drill Sargent. Some ish like that. He rules the team with the harsh discipline of a Soviet-style dictator. With the Cult of Personality that the Boston (propaganda machine) media is building around their Beloved Ruler Kevin Garnett, he's The Turkmenbashi of the effing NBA, minus the rotating gold statue in front of the Fleet Center that perpetually points towards the sun (though no doubt Bill Simmons and crew will push for it if the Celts win the title this year).What's the one thing that men of discipline fear the most? Chaos. Enter the only team the Celtics wanted to avoid in the first round - the entropic Hawks. These are not the '08 Warriors. The Warriors, despite being marketed as some unbelievable force of athlete ability, were a smart, savvy bunch of players, lead by guys like Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson who understand what winning requires. They hit three-pointers in between creating and finishing fast breaks.
When the 3-Mile Island Hawks, in comparison, finish a fast break it feels like a minor disaster was just averted. Most forwards in the league know to pass the ball back to the point and fill a lane. Here comes a Josh or a Williams leading another break. What the eff is they thinking?!?
Osh Smith chucked up 100 3-point attempts this season. He successfully hit them at the rate of a Canadian quarter. I suppose that constitutes progress, relative to the 152 attempts he took from downtown last season, at a similar 25% clip. Yes, J-Smoove can be the quite the human asthma breathe taker when he's a shot slapping, giant slayer, and not the trigger happy, brick layer. Still, it's hard to ignore that the Hawks lack the discipline to even slightly coerce Osh to resist the allure of 3-point siren's call.
A quick check of players who attempted that many three-pointers this season yields only a handful who shot below 30%: T-Mac at .297 Kevin Durant at .286 Ray Felton at .284. Once again, for effect: Osh shot 25.5%. And that's the lowest out of more than 100 players that attempted 100 or more 3-pointers!
Josh Childress, the only NBA player who could start for the Flint City Tropics. Yeah, ABAing is cool, but that type of retro is easy, man. You want props for bring back some old school flava? Rock the Bobby Brown flat top, holmes. Or, better yet, the Kid "eraserhead" hairdo.
I Want To BelieveMemo to Boston fans: Sam Cassell is your soul controller. Your fate is now in his hands. Soon you will be grateful that he ended up on the Celtics, or you'll be blaming him on some Buckner ish. Whatever the result, the metaphoric die has been cast. The thing about KG is this: he ain't the one to take the big shot in the fourth quarter. This is fact. Back in Minnesota in 2004, in the fourth quarter during the playoffs, who do you think was taking the shots, the ones KG wouldn't? Sam I Am.
What, you thought he was brought to Boston to back up Rondo?!?
Ain't sh*t changed but the number on the calendar. And so, like four years ago, when KG is in a tight game, the fate of the Celtics will come down to whether or not the big balls dance occurs. Remember two things Celtics fans: Better to rest it on Cassell than the alternative - to have no one to take the big shot down the stretch. One time last season in Minnesota, during the fourth quarter of a close, but meaningless, game, Kevin Garnett's inner fire burned so brightly it actually physically manifested. The resulting inferno required thousands of firefighters to control, and laid waste to 15% of California.Oh, and two: Cassell, even way past his prime, is still a higher % than Josh Smith shooting a three-pointer.
Philly-Detroit: Like Watching Prince Suffocate Iggy?
I'm worth a million in prizes,
Yeah, I'm through with sleeping on the sidewalk.
What the eff? Can you pick a more unexciting first round series? Yes, the 76ers are exciting. They were 22-11 down the stretch. They have the defense to stand mano a mano con El Pistoles.
But the Pistons this year are very different from last year. Last year's team had a "bench" of Antonio McDyess, Chris Webber, Lindsay Hunter, and Jason Maxiell. The result was 40+ minute per game averages, against the Cavs in the playoffs, for the Fantastic Four of Tayshaun Prince, Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton. That many minutes, especially for a team that expends energy on defense, in a long series, is going to wear a team down fast.
This year's bench? Jason Maxiell, Rodney Stuckey, Aaron Afflalo, Amir Johnson, even Walter Herrmann and Juan Dixon are viable options. This year's Pistons go "bang bang", your guns go "ow pow".
By the way: what exactly is the 76ers offensive game plan going to be, after Prince's long arms shut down Iggy?
Don't Stop Believing:
You're riding high in April, shot down in May
I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race.
yeah, that's Philly.
But if there's nothing shaking come this here July
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball aaaand die.
-Old Philly/Jersey adage passed down through the generations
Oh, man. I'm sorry 76er fans. I was a believer; then I saw her face, and now there's a trace of doubt in my mind. I thought good times were coming soon for the 76ers, I really did.
Then Bill Simmons pointed out, without even knowing it, that Andre Miller is 32 years old.Hold the f*ck up. Wha?!?
32 years old?
Around here headz don't act their age/ you might be another dead boy on the back page.
When Miller's contract expires next year, he'll be a 33-year old point guard? And the 76ers management, having made up their minds that he is an integral part of their future ("no trade!"), seem to have failed to mention that he has a limited future. Yes, go ahead and sign a 33-year old point to an extension, for big raise no doubt (at least a decent raise over his $10 million a year contract, right?).
And say, another 3-4 years, all with his skills declining? Does that, combined with Iggy's inevitable $15 million a year, 5-year extension, seem like a team that can compete for the title? Because with Sammy Dalembert's own big contract on board, it is going to be hard to add any more players to the squad after this offseason. Spend that free'd up Webber's Millions this offseason well, Philly. Because after that, this will be your team for the next three to four seasons.
Seriously, Miller's been in the league what, only 9 years? Was he the 25-year old rookie or something?!?
Orlando-Toronto: Most Meaningless First Round Series
If you still doubt this is the year of the Pistons, please note that should Your Detroit Pistons get past the 76ers, the winner of this series is their second round opponent. Meanwhile the Celtics get to take on LeBron in the second round, after chasing Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Al Horford and the Joshes in the first round. Just in case you were wondering why, while the Celtics pressed on to win 60+ games, the Pistons have been marinating since December, just content to take that second seed without pushing for the home court advantage too much. And you wonder why Aaron Afflado has been playing big minutes for the past month?!?
Fool Joe Dumars once, shame on Joe. Fool him twice, you are God.
And Dwight Howard is Black Zeus. That's what we've been calling him, until he put on the cape and turned into Superman. Now we'll going to pass that nickname on to Greg Oden, who probably remembers what it was like to rain thunderbolts down on people back in the days from atop Olympus.
The Raptors
Want to be me, you're just an imitation copy.
The Suns run-n-gun Euro system worked so well, several teams have tried to bite their style. The Grizzlies proved that giving up that many points on defense, without possessing the offensive efficiency that having three All-NBA players (Nash, Amare, Marion) in your lineup provides, leads to being on the short-end of more than a few 130-103 blowouts.
The Raptors? They just reminded the U.S. why we
don't actually play or televise Eurobasketball here. It's great to see
teams and players running up and down the floor, shooting jumpers at
will. But when other teams actually play, um, what's that word?...
defense?... we'll, it's not nearly as much fun to watch. And f*ck Spain...
the Raptors need more Argentines if they really want to be taken
seriously. Go see if Pepe Sanchez has anything left in the tank. Take
a flyer on Pablo Prigioni, the Euroleague assist leader last year.
Clone Manu.Cleveland-Washington: The Most Explosive Series: Arenas vs. LeBron
This series will produce more 40-point efforts than any other in the playoffs this year. Can you think of any other player, save for Kobe if he decides to throw the team on his back just for old time's sake, besides LeBron and Gilbert who is more likely than them to drop a 40 point game?
Okay, fine... I'll give you Amare. But while he could drop 40, he's not more likely than LeBron or Gilbert to pull it off.
There is nothing to say about Gilbert Arenas right now. There is only watching, and hoping, left.
I say Jah shall execute judgment and justice. And none shall escape of get mercy.
Basketball Selassie liveth everytime.
After
a fight with brother Esau, LeBron had to take flight. He left Beersheba in a hurry. While on the road he had a vision. Or maybe it was just a dream. In it, LeBron dreamed of a
ladder, one that went all the way up into the sky. It was a magnificent ladder that
men could climb and descend as they wished, leading to the kingdom of heaven. Only many years later would LeBron come to realize that he, in fact, was the ladder.
Western Conference Preview will be posted tomorrow.
Leave a comment
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