I promised the Indian Playa (one of the many characters I saw over the break, including the Greek Prof, the Dominican Businessman, and Willie Fuego) that I would throw him a bone every once in a while on the site.  By way of an explanation, here's what prompted this "bone":

Indian Playa: "Yo, son, like all you write about is sports!"
SML:  "It is a sports blog, you know..."
Indian Playa: "Throw me a bone... I am your biggest fan, man."
SML:  "That's why I do those great Olympic Previews post..."
Dominican Businessman: "Damn, son, I read those, and I thought to myself... "the Knicks must really be sucking if SML is writing these posts about BumbleF*ckStan or whatever former Yugoslavian country you're writing about..."

Don't worry... now that DJM is back in town, we'll have a few more of those coming.  In the meanwhile, out of sheer boredom:  Breaking Down "Apollo Kids". 

While driving to Durham, NC to visit Willie Fuego, I forced the GF to listen to "The Big Doe Rehab".  I was telling this to Willie Fuego, who asked GF what she thought of the album:

GF: "It's not bad, but I prefer the Kanye West album.  I really didn't understand the Ghost Face Killah too much..."
WF: "No one does!  He just utters a bunch of rhyming nonsense that makes no gaddamn sense, just random crap..."

Not so.  Take Apollo Kids, for example:

{Intro}
Uh-huh, uh-huh, motherfucker, uh-huh
Yeah, I see that, I see that
All y'all fake motherfuckers up in the joint, huh?
Stealin my light, huh? Watch me, duke, watch me

Ghost is just letting ya'll know that you won't be stealing his light.  Not if you are a fake motherfucking up in the joint, or current location ("joint" is also street vernacular for prison).  If you are, well... this is clearly a threat intended for you.  More on this later.

Yo, check these up top murderous
Snowy in the bezzle as the cloud merges

Snowy (or cocaine-y) in the bezzle (Benz) as the cloud merges.  It's a simile ("as" or "like")... Ghost is at his best when he's using his meteorological rhymes.  "My rhymes are positive charged like the earth drawing lighting from rain clouds enlarged..."

F.B.I. try and want word with this
Kid who punked out bust a shot up in the Beacon
 
Because of Mr. Killah's admitted cocaine possession, the FBI seeks a meeting.  Meanwhile, switching gears, Ghost will now tell us about a young man and his gunplay during a show at the Beacon (Which one?  Doesn't matter!).

Catch me in the corner not speakin
Crushed out heavenly, U.G. rock the sweet daddy long fox minks
Chicken and broccoli, Wally's look stinky

Chicken and broccoli as long been the #1 selling item in Chinese takeout places in NYC.  Chicken wings are also high on the list every year.  SML's mostly orders Chicken & Broccoli.  Though, to switch it up I sometimes order the elusive Chicken & Snow Peas (white sauce, b*tch!).

Oh, and Ghost gets in the obligatory mention of his Wallabee's, a contractual stipulation apparently.  Not a Ghost song goes by without a rhyme referencing his Wallabees.  It reminds me of the rumor I heard/read somewhere that DMX wrote it into his contract that every song must contain him barking at least once.

With his man straight from Raleigh Durham, he recognized Kojak
I slapped him five, Masta Killa cracked his tiny form

Reminds me of the time I saw Ghost Rider (Nic Cage) outside the Mandarin Oriental Hotel by Columbus Circle.  I gave him a pound, but The Greek Prof yolked him from behind and slammed him to the pavement.  It was a bit out of character.

E'rybody break bread, huddle around
Guzzle that, I'm about to throw a hand in your bag
Since the face been revealed, game got real

The references here are pretty straight forward.  When he first came out, the Ghost Face Killah hid behind his ghost face mask (I still hide behind my ghost face mask - wait until you see pictures of my latest excursions next week).  Once he revealed his face, well... things got real. 

Also, as a native New Yorker... I strongly advise against throwing hands in other's bags.

Radio been gassin n*ggaz, my imposters scream they ill
I'm the inventor, '86 rhymin at the center
Debut '93 LP told you to Enter

Are there really Ghost Face Killah imposters out there?  I had no clue, like Nickelodeon canceling Blue....

Punk f*ggot n*ggaz stealin my light
Crawl up in the bed with grandma,
beneath the La-Z-Boy where ya hid ya knife

Damnit!  Didn't the Ghost already tell you about stealing his light?  You were warned, and now you better go hide in your strangely decorated room, where the La-Z-Boy, in clear defiance of the law of gravity, apparently hangs from the ceiling, above the bed with the hidden knife and grandma. 

True story time:  I was once playing the One-Up game with the Villainous Andy.  Most of the night he let me take the lead at this boring party we were at, and so I would start off conversations with strangers saying the most ridiculous things, forcing him to improv on it.  He couldn't be fazed, as he was one of the funniest writers ever (he worked at SNL for a bit, and Second City in Chicago, etc.).  He finally got tired of my amateur efforts, and when a very drunk (not hot, either) girl was talking to us, he took charge:

Drunk Girl: "What do you do?"
Villain: "Well, I work with this modern artist."
DG: "Oh, what kind of art does he do?"
VA: "Crazy po-mo stuff.  Usually involving furniture."
DG: "Like what?"
VA: "He just sold this piece last week.  It was a La-Z-Boy.  He took the chair, and took out all the padding on the inside, and replaced it with human hair.  He had human hair running all on the outside of the chair, too.  It was spectacular.  He sold it for 15K."

I can't even do it proper justice.  He was absolutely convincing, and talked about this "piece", and other furniture-based art, for at least 15 straight minutes.  It was the most impressive bullsh*tting I've even seen in my life.  By the end of the conversation, there were 8 people surrounding us wanting to know more about this amazing new artist.  Absolutely true.

Ghost is back, stretch Cadillacs, fruit cocktails
Hit the shells at Paul's Pastry Rack
Walk with me like Dorothy tried to judge these

One site I looked had the lyrics written "walk with me like Darthy", but I'm pretty sure it's Dorothy.  It's a reference to the Wizard of Oz, I believe. 

Are fruit cocktails representative of something?  Status?  Wealth?  I've got fruit cocktails now, b*tches.  No more public housing for me! 

plush degrees, said the cow, wrap the fees
Gettin waxed all through the drive-thru
Take the stand, throw my hand all on the Bible
and tell lies too,

I'm not sure when the cow started talking.  I've admittedly lost the metaphor a few lines back.  But I'm down with taking the stand, taking the oath, and telling lies, too.  That's gangsta right there.  Ghost should be a politician with skills like those.

I'm the ultimate
splash the Wolverine Razor Sharp ring, dolomite
student enrolled holdin it

Referencing the greatest comic book character (Wolverine) and greatest pimp (Dolomite) within four words of each other, without ever even trying to connect the two in any logical pattern... that's Ghost Face.  That, and of course, meteorological rhymes.

[Chorus: Ghostface]
Aiyyo, this rappin's like Ziti, facin me real TV
Crash at high-speeds, strawberry, kiwi
As we approach, yo herb, the Gods bail
These Staten Island ferryboat cats bail
Fresh cellies, 50 thieves up in the city
We banned for life, Apollo kids live to spit the real

This post is like an Italian pasta (Lasagna), but the hell if I'm going to bother to tell you how.  And more fruits to signify my new-found success.  I can afford strawberries now!  And Kiwis.  I eat only the finest imported fruit.
 
A pair of bright phat yellow Air Max
Hit the racks, stack 'em up Son, $20 off no tax
Street merchant tucked in the cloud, stay splurgin

A little more coherent now, Ghost is rapping about how he brought some sneakers (the original Air Max were alway worthy of street cred) at a discount.  Also:  Other rappers talk about "making it rain"; Ghost talks about "how to make rain".

Rock a eagle head, 6-inch height was the bird
Monday night Dallas verse Jets, dudes slid in with one hand
Two culture-ciphers, one bag of wet
 
I can't remember the Jets ever playing the Cowboys on Monday night.  I do remember the Jets' great Monday night game against the Dolphins.  "Jumbo Elliot slide into the end zone with one hand, sleeping Dolphins named Snowflake left him unmanned"

Heavy rain fucked my kicks up
Wasn't lookin, splashed in the puddle
Bitch laughin, first thought was beat the bitch up

In all honesty, if my girl laughed at me after getting my brand new Air Max's wet in the rain... I would go Ike Turner on her, too. 

Mossied off gracefully, New York's most wanted tee-ball hawk
Seen the yellow brick road, lust of pastries

More Wizard of Oz references!  "Bubble bursting as economy crashing, recession happening, houses dropping on ya'll like green witch..."

Same Ghostface, holy in the mind
Last seen Manhattan Chase
We drew the six-eight digit in the briefcase
Rawness, title is Hell-bound
Quick to reload around faces, surround look astound

Okay, maybe Willie Fuego was right....

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