Recently, this blog has been criticized for not focusing enough on blogging about the Blue Jays. "Hey," one commentator I made up is quoting as saying, "Where in the ever-loving name of Jesus our one true saviour, the blessed light of the world do you get off calling yourselves a Blue Jays blog? You guys are a bunch of chuckleheads, a crew of legitimate dopes, and a collection of unsurpassed douchebags. I hope you all burn in hell. Best regards, Mike Lupica."

We took your criticism to heart. It's time to talk about the Blue Jays.

Oh my Holy Christian God goodness (sorry, I accidentally read TMQ this week and now I feel the pressing need to  read Corinthians or vote for Brownback or something), is there anything more pleasant than a peaceful stroll through a lush sylvan setting, the fresh breeze through one's hair, the feel of the grass beneath one's feet the call of the birds above? And not just any bird. Oh, no. I'm talking about specifically the best bird of all: the Blue Jay.

William Wordsworth once wrote 

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

However, he was in the Lake District of effing England, listening to the call of the pheasant and the trill of the Eurasian Wigeon or some crap, and never knew the haunting call of that greatest of all birds, that bird native only to North America, the Blue Jay. If I had to amend the last couplet, it would read:

And then my heart feels truly gay
And leaps to hear my sweet blue jay.

Yeah, take THAT Wordsworth! BLUE JAYS FOR LIFE!

Its chortle that sounds like JAYER! JAYER! Its warning call that sounds like the scream of a gull. Its weird other sound that sounds like a rusty pump. Its other... Christ the Resurrected Lord (that was the last one, I swear) wait a second, rusty pump? The Blue Jay makes a noise that sounds like a rusty pump? If Wikipedia is to be believed (always a safe bet), this bird makes a noise that sounds like a RUSTY PUMP? Something that makes the hearer say, "Hold on, everybody! I think somebody's using a rusty pump out in the gard... no, wait, it's just a fucking blue jay. Hand me my shotgun, Chet. It's almost supper time"? That's... that's horrible. They're all beautiful and nicely-colored, but their pleasant sound is reminiscent of a gull? Good grief. Fuck the blue jays. I hope they all descend directly into hell like Jesus did just after he was crucified to save all of us from our mortal sin.

I mean that one, too. Kill a blue jay. And go to church.


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