Thank goodness for DJM's post today.  I was struggling with content, since there isn't much for us to write about in sports news today (though I do have some ideas coming down the pipe, hopefully).  With that said, I'm going to straight up bite an idea!

About a month ago, the guys at The Commission posted a 20 question and answer "interview" with another of our favorite blogs, Signal To Noise.  It had some great questions and answers, so we're going to take a stab at some of them.  After all, when there's not much happening in sports to write about, I'm gonna write about the one thing I know the most - myself.

And maybe someday soon I'll be "interviewed" by another blog. 

1. Kim Kardashian's ass or Jessica Biel's ass?

SML:  Yes, please.

2. Would you watch EVERY televised WNBA game, in one season, if it meant never having to pay taxes of any kind for the rest of your life? No fast forwarding allowed.

Okay, I ignore the WNBA as much as the next person.  Both MC Bias and The Starting Five touched on this a bit last week, but here's my take:  I just don't care that much about it, it's an inferior product.  It's not that I don't like watching them play, but the best basketball players are at the NBA level.  As someone wrote in the comments at TSF, the WNBA is like Arena Football or minor-league baseball.  Or college basketball, another sport I don't watch too much, except for one reason - to see the next great NBA players.  Otherwise, yeah - WNBA is like college basketball to me, minus the appeal of watching a future NBAer.   It's not unwatchable - I've seen games on TV.  It just doesn't hold a strong appeal to me. 

So, if I was absolved of all taxes for the rest of my life - hell yeah, I would watch the WNBA for a season, no problem.  It doesn't hurt me to watch it, and I might even enjoy it.  But I just wouldn't enjoy it like I enjoy the NBA, that's all. 

3.  If you could smack one of your college professors in the face, who would it be? Why?

These are the questions that I liked.  I wouldn't smack any college professors, but I would smack a high school professor -  let's call her Dr. Kidd.  Because I failed freshman Global Studies in high school, and opted to take it as a sophomore, I had to double up on Global Studies as a junior, meaning I took the regular junior one, but I also had to take the sophomore one, too.  Dr. Kidd was the teacher, and she hated us juniors in her class. 

My main beef: She ripped my final report, a decent 15 page report on Glasnost and Perestroika, and how it related to the end of the USSR, etc.  Nothing terrific, of course, but I was a high school student.  Anyway, Dr. Kidd ripped this report that I spent weeks working on, writing repeatedly that I was using "other people's words" as my own; never mind that I had a full bibliography and challenged her to prove where I plagiarized anyone else's words without citation.  I took it as a front-handed complaint (the complete opposite of a back-handed compliment). 

Anyway, yeah - she needs some slapping.     

Oh, bonus:  In case you are wondering why I failed my freshman Global Studies class - it was period 1.  I made on time to class about 5 times the entire year, and missed more than half the classes outright.  I am not an early bird.  That teacher needs a slap, too, for dropping a pair of 15's on my high school transcript, when a 55 would have been just as effective, and not have kept my overall grade average as low as the 15's did for the next three years.

4.  The last time I was in LA it rained. Think I can sue Tony! Toni! Tone! for false advertising?

The only time I made it to LA was in late December 2004/early January 2005.  We rented a car, headed south, and drove around Baja California.  Ah, the desert.  Only this year, for those two weeks, it rained.  Poured.  You remember hearing about those landslides in San Diego?  Crazy rain, the likes of which the desert never gets...

The roads were washed out, and the little Dodge Neon we rented did more off-roading than it was intended to do.

Anyway, f*ck California, both Baja and Alto.

5.  The Broncos Jets are playing an undefeated Patriots team in the AFC Championship Game. The game starts at 3:30. At 3:15, the tv in the living room blows out. Your girl is watching the tv in the bedroom and she's not budging. The tv in the garage gets piss poor reception. You live 5 miles from Wal-Mart, 25 minutes from the nearest sports bar, and you're neighbors are assholes. What do you do?

This is why I live in NYC.  I'm never more than a few blocks walk from a bar.  But I took a vacation in mid-January 2005 (what, I get lots of vacation time?) to Vieques, the semi-deserted island off Puerto Rico (Not to be mistaken with Culabra, the island off the island off The Island, or Culabrita, the island off the island off the island... off The Island).  Lovely place.  Of course, that year the Jets made the playoffs (the beat the Chargers the week before, when I was getting back to San Diego after being in the desert for a couple of weeks), and were playing against the Steelers.

I had to see the game, but there aren't any sportsbars around.  But there was a huge Hyatt Hotel (a terrible idea, considering only six people know about the island), and I dragged my GF at the time there to watch the Jets playoff game - never mind it was like on the other side of the island.  I would have swam back to Florida if that's what it took. 

It was the one in which Doug O'Brien missed two freaking field goals that would have won the game, and the Steelers ended up winning in OT.  The worst part was that there was this annoying Patriots fan who wanted the Pats to win, since they would be a "bigger challenge".  D*ckwad. 

6.  Why do we fly ON a plane, but ride IN a car?

Why do some people wait on line, and other wait IN line?

7. Best jheri curl of all time? Doc Gooden, Gary Sheffield, or Eric Dickerson?

Eddie Murphy in Coming To America.

8. When does Pete Carrol's deal with the Devil come due?

As a Jets fan... I think he didn't get a fair shake.  He was a decent 6-10 coach here.  But otherwise... don't really care about Pete Carroll.   

9.  Is dwarf tossing a more legitimate sport than dwarf bowling?

It requires more athletic ability.  Throwing is among the most primitive of sports actions.  Bowling is not a sports action, at least not anymore than moving a chess piece across the board is.  It's a technique - yes, it requires skill, and years of practice doesn't necessarily make one a pro, but... it's not a sport.  Even if the balls are replaced by dwarves on wheels. 

The most primitive of sports actions - that describes most classic Olympic sports.  Cavemen (or the Greeks, same thing), to determine the most alpha-est of the batch, would compete to see who could run the fastest (sprint); who could run the farthest (marathon); who could throw a rock the farthest (shotput), and who could throw a stick the farthest (javelin).  And, of course, who could jump the highest.  Theses contest lasted fortnightly, and were held every three to four years, with the winners entitled to all the va-jay-jay they could want.  Or whatever their preference was, since we are talking about Greeks here.

10. Has Shaun Livingston wrecked his knee worse than Mitch Kupchak and Jim Buss have wrecked the Lakers?

I've said this before, but those freaking Lakers have a plan.  It's called "Milk Kobe".  They are going to be a marginal playoff team again this season, and next.  The seats will be sold out, and the fans will be buying stuff and cheering.  They might even do better than marginal - the Lakers were as high as #4 or #5 seed at some points last season, and they could conceivably get there again with their current talent pool over the next two seasons.

But regardless, this is a team that is looking to 2009.  They have Javaris Crittenton, Jordan Farmer, Andrew Bynum, and will add a few more young players over the next two years.  They'll wait until Kobe's contract expires, and let him leave town.  With only about $20 million in salary committed, they'll go shopping and rebuild the team faster than the Celtics did this offseason, but with younger and better free agents.  With $40 million in cap space, they can sign like three top-tier premier free agents. 

11. What would you cherish more? Receiving a nude picture of Scarlett Johansen every day for a year or free gas for a year?

Scarlett. 

12. Who would you'd rather have your back in a fight:

Charles Oakley
Tie Domi
Kyle Farnsworth
Elijah Dukes
Panthro

It comes down to Oakley vs Pantro.  I don't trust cats.  They aren't loyal, we all know that.  And they are so moody.  A dog-beast?  Maybe.  But a cat-beast?  Please.  Dude is just as likely to keep playing with a hairball, ignoring my screams.  I'm taking the Oak.  I've seen him in real life - Oakley's forearms are like most people's legs in thickness.  That guy once flipped Shaq.  He is not going to lose a fight.

13. If you owned a catering company, would you sell your services to a porn production company? Would the type of porn make a difference?   

I told her dealer I was broke.  He hired a camera man.  We did a porno film for coke.  I hear I'm big in Japan.

14. One athlete you would (theoretically) give up your kid to meet?

No athlete is worth it.  Most of them are just very rich guys who are otherwise normal people.  But if there was one athlete I would like to roll with, it's Jeter.  The amount of ass he gets is sick; I could get 9s and 10s strictly off the vapors.

15. Bigger pimp. David Stern or Roger Goodell?

Roger Goodell is just on some power tripping stuff right now.  It's his way of showing that "There's a new sheriff in town".  The NFL is a lot easier to manage than the NBA.  David Stern may have his WTF moments (the dress code, clubbing policy, etc), but Stern is the best commissioner in sports.  Minorities have done better under Stern - more coaching, GM, and even owner options - than any other sports.

16. Who would you want to do the play by play of your life, for a day? What about color guy?

Gus Johnson, Walt Frazier and Marv Albert. 

17. Gus Johnson and Stephen A. anchor a NCAA Tournament game. Brilliant idea or biggest clusterfuck since New Coke?

Don't know, but probably a bad idea.

18. Who's banged more chicks? Jordan or Tommy Lee?

Tommy Lee.  Jordan was busy working most of the late 80's into the late 90's; Tommy Lee, on the other hand, had nothing but free time to bone.  That means he has an insurmountable lead.

19. Would you rather be able to throw a 95 mph fastball or throw a football 60 yards in the air? Why?

I'm lefthanded, so a baseball.  I would probably have a longer career.  Plus one tackle could ruin my body for life.

On a sidenote, today (August 13th) is World Lefthander's Day.  Give your man a pound with the left hand. 

20. In 25 years, your daughter marries Gilbert Arenas' son. Do you let Gil plan the reception?

Yep.

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Also on the Network: √ Are The Cardinals Addicted To Crowds? [C70 At The Bat] √ Went To A Tennis Match And A Met Game Broke Out [Loge 13] √ The Hybrid: College Football Is Back, Fools [Tremendous Upside Potential] √ "It Didn't Look Like They Wanted To Come Out And Beat Us" [C70 At The Bat] √ Cardinals Keep Destroying Hope [C70 At The Bat] √ Jay Cutler Is Dating Kristin Cavallari: A Gratuitous Photo Gallery [Tremendous Upside Potential] √ White Sox Acquire Manny Ramirez: A Roundup [Tremendous Upside Potential] √ Cardinals Hit Rock Bottom, Break Out Jackhammers [C70 At The Bat]

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