In a surprise statement to the press, former Secretary of the State Colin Powell chimed in on the Michael Vick case:
"He's a well known football player, and the federal government is investigating his actions in this matter", said Colin Powell.
The reaction to Colin Powell's defense of noted dog killer Michael Vick from the mainstream media was swift:
"Oh, now Colin Powell is some sort of legal expert, huh?", wrote one Deadspin editor. "Honestly, just shut up and start a foreign war."
The response from commenters on Deadspin was also strong:
GrungeDave wrote: "I've said it before... I'll say it again... Fuck Emmitt."*
It was not clear if he meant Smith or Till, but I'm sure it doesn't matter.
Spectacular Sam wrote: "Colin Powell is a fucking moron. That is all. A college educated moron. With much more success and money than me. But I'm not at all jealous, because he's a fucking moron. Can't you tell from his quote?"
Other members of the press were even more vocal in their denouncement of Colin Powell's remarks... SI's Peter King wrote:
"1. Nice to see that Colin Powell knows so much about the federal government. Didn't anyone ever tell him, "When there's an important issue out there, give an educated opinion if you have a good idea what you're talking about. If you're not sure what you're talking about, the only thing you can do by opening your mouth is look like you are 11 years old."
He then followed that up by adding this "Also, didn't anyone tell you that cliche about making a personal attack seem less direct by pretending it is some sort of wise old adage? Yeah, back down where I come from we call that "Pulling a Peter King", and it basically means talk out your asshole. Oh, and only smart, educated people like sportswriters should talk about "important issues". We shouldn't let athletes talk about sports issues. They're not educated like us. I graduated from THE Ohio State University. I know how to masturbate while typing football articles."
"2. It sounds very much like Powell empathizes with Vick’s plight and doesn’t find it very objectionable that Vick might have put a few bucks down on dogfights. Is he serious? Is there anything justifiable about Vick going to a single dogfight, or gambling a dime on a dogfight? Should the feds, once they had evidence from four corroborating witnesses that placed Vick in the middle of one dogfight after another, have ignored the evidence and not gone after him?"
Mr. King added more: "I mean, can't you tell from his tone and his words that Colin Powell hates dogs? He must if he empathizes with Vick's plight! No human can empathize with Vick's plight unless he absolutely hates dogs. And how dare Colin Powell justify Vick going to a dogfight, or gambling. What do I mean he's justifying Vick? Because he refuses to call him human trash and be repulsed by him! He should be responding like those Deadspin/AOL commenters (can anyone tell the difference at this point?) who said Vick should be electrocuted and similar stuff."
Colin Powell, you dog-hating douchebag, you disgust me. Really, you are a disgrace to the Bush administration.
*Editor's Note: Yeah, I know I broke character there and referred to Emmitt Smith instead of Colin Powell. It just seemed appropriate, that's all.
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Just how arrogant is Peter King to think that he is more qualified to weigh in than Colin Powell or Emmitt Smith.
"It was not clear if he meant Smith or Till, but I'm sure it doesn't matter."
SML, great line. Great article. Keep it up.