Lakers – Suns First Round Playoff Series

Game One Recap (posted beforehand, just to get it out of the way)

The Phoenix Suns mercilessly manhandled the Los Angeles Lakers at Some Freaking Airlines Arena in beautiful Tempe, Arizona tonight, with a final score of 176 to 53.

The high scorer of the game was the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant, who set a new playoff record by scoring all 53 of his team’s points (on only 67 shots!). Smush Parker notched one assist, which appeared to be accidental. Midway through the third quarter, Bryant attempted to circle around Raja Bell, dribble through the legs of his “teammate” Kwame Brown, then leap over the upright Amare Stoudamire for a sweet fingertip roll off the glass, when he [Bryant] lost control of the ball. Parker picked it up off the ground, stared at it for three seconds as if wondering what in the sweet, sweet hell he was holding, and then handed it to a screaming, enraged Bryant, who dunked it from the free throw line (pictured below).

The two-time reigning NBA MVP Steve Nash scored 2 points on one shot attempt, and racked up a basically unbreakable record with 41 assists. When asked after the game how he was able to get 41 assists when he only played 17 minutes (the game was out of reach by the end of the first quarter), he said, “Umm, hello? I was being guarded by Smush Parker, Jordan Farmar, and somebody named Sasha. I'm the two-time MVP. Better make that three, bitches. Nowitzky? Er kann nicht schützen mein johnson.”

Game Two will be played in Tempe 12 days from now, with Game Three in Los Angeles sometime in mid-June.

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