[Sunday after practice]
Isiah (to Brendan Suhr): “I’m off to take care of some business. You are in charge of practice tomorrow.”
Brendan: “Business? Don’t go, you might die.”
Isiah: “Sorry, baby, but I gotta do what I gotta.”
[Isiah boards plane.]
[Isiah arrives in airport in Hyderabad, the largest city in the Andhra Pradesh region of Southern India, 15 hours later]
[Isiah takes four hour bus ride to the Antanpur district]
[Isiah "borrows" cameron's dad's Ferrari]
[Isiah crashes the Ferrari into river 25 minutes later]
[From there Isiah passes up offer of free stretch limo ride from locals, instead takes a 145 minute ride on the back of a 200 cc motorcycle to get to the remote village of Puttaparthi]
[25 minutes later Isiah arrives at the ashram]
Isiah: Are you the one I seek?
Sai Baba: My name is Sai Baba. What brings you here today, son?
Isiah: You are the one that I seek. I can see your aura. It is the biggest aura I have ever seen. It extends all the way to the horizon. You must be divine.
Sai Baba: Indeed. And my aura contains gold and silver. What brings you here, son?
Isiah: I have come for your help. Nice ‘fro, by the way.
Sai Baba: Thanks. Would you like me to manifest ash? I’m good at that.
Isiah: No thanks. I have heard you can heal people… is it true?
Sai Baba: I can only heal those pure of heart, those with selfless intentions. Are you pure of heart? Are your intentions selfless?
Isiah: Hell no.
Sai Baba: What ails you, anyway? Are you sick? Do you have a tumor? I wish I could eat your cancer….
Isiah: Hey! Wait! I am perfectly healthy.
Sai Baba: But you said you wanted to be healed.
Isiah: Not I, great guru. I want for someone else to be healed.
Sai Baba: Truly you are a selfless individual, to come all this way for someone else to be healed. What is your friend dying of?
Isiah: He’s not dying. It’s for David Lee. He has a sprained ankle.
Sai Baba: Why come all this way?
Isiah: You must heal his ankle. I need him to play again, so we can make the playoffs and I can save my job.
Sai Baba: Why not play Renaldo Balkman?
Isiah: Why do you know about him?
Sai Baba: Just answer the question.
Isiah: Because he can’t hit a jumper! It’s really amazing how poor a shooter he is… he makes Rondo look like Gilbert Arenas… wait. Can you fix Renaldo’s jumper?
Sai Baba: I am the world’s greatest healer, a divine presence on earth, the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. I can manifest ash, gold, silver at will. I will live to be 145 years old. I can heal anything. But even I cannot heal Renaldo’s jumper.
Isiah: Is there anything I can do about his jumper?
Sai Baba: Try the devil. Maybe he can fix it, in return for a soul or two.
Isiah: I already sold him my soul for a great blue pinstripe suit. Good deal, right?
Sai Baba: [says nothing]
Isiah: What about David Lee’s foot? Can you fix that?
Sai Baba: Sure. I will fix David Lee’s ankle, and he will play in Wednesday’s game. I will also make it so you will make the playoffs, and I will make it so your boss will keep you around for another season. Also, here’s some ash I manifested.
Isiah: Thank… you?
[Sai Baba begins chanting in the heretofore secret language that angels speak. This continues for 5 minutes]
Sai Baba: There, it is done.
Isiah: Thank you, great master. How can I repay you?
Sai Baba: I will tell you how… I am a great Celtic fan…
Isiah: …go on…
Sai Baba: … you remember that 1987 championship you won?
Isiah: Yeah, of course. My first championship.
Sai Baba: Yeah. Listen, man. Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna send you back in time to game five of the series against Boston…
Isiah: …uh-huh…
Sai Baba: There will be seconds left on the clock, and you will be inbounding the ball. You will pass it to Larry Bird…
Isiah: But I hate that mo-fo!
[Sai Baba heals Isiah’s anger]
Sai Baba: You are going to pass him the ball, and he’s going to pass it to DJ, and the Celtics will win the game and the series.
Isiah: I have to give up my championship?
Sai Baba: It’s okay, you get to keep the other two.
Isiah: What is this, Quantum Leap?
Sai Baba: What’s Quantum Leap? How’s your ash? Want more?
Isiah: Leave it alone with the ash, man.
Sai Baba: Have you made your decision?
Isiah: Well… a championship for making the playoffs as an 8th seed and keeping my job! That’s the best trade I’ve ever made!
Sai Baba: That’s honestly not saying much.
Special thanks to Canadian DJM for his input.
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One never knows what a day brings, even surprising moments of kindness. In this case, the affection found you! thanks.
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