by Stop Mike Lupica on March 14 at 12:34AM
What's this coming up from the rear? It's the f*cking Nets! Two in a row for the Jersey crew; tonight's win was big. They needed this win against the Hornets on the back end of a back to back.
With Jefferson back, the Nets look like they might go on a tear. If so, they could lock up that 7-spot. You know what that would mean: First round series against the Cavs. Vince Carter vs. LeBron, best of seven, let's see who can give a sh*t less! It's the apathy championship. They should just have Carter and LeBron do the tip-off, so they can spend the rest of the game orbiting the half court circle like two electrons in an S-subshell around a nucleus (BRONX SCIENCE, HERBS!).
We kid. We love Air Pussy. Especially when he's lighting it up like a burning magnesium strip. But he's the only player in the NBA whose over/under line for "effort level" is set at his shoe size: What's it going to be tonight, Vince? Another 16% effort night? Why don't we save time and just pencil in my fantasy team for a 7-23, 2-8 3PT, 2-4 FT, 18 Pt, 5 reb, 3 ass, 3 TO night, Vince? Thanks, and looking forward to the one "real" effort game you'll have this pay period. The Nets have an ionic bond with Vince: the Nets give, Vince takes.
Of course, to keep winning the Nets need to remember to actually play some defense. Yeah, that's what Sir Lawrence of BonJovia keeps screaming at you! De-fense. See, you guys are a "perimeter" team; you have no interior game. Air Pussy doesn't drive to the basket but once a month; your big men are... sh*t, I admit I don't know who your big men are. I heard somewhere you are starting Mikki Moore, but that's gotta be an urban legend, like the one about the Great Wall of China being the only man-made object visable from space. You really miss Alonzo Mourning now, don't you? I told ya you should have held his kidney hostage! No kidney transplant for you until we make the playoffs. Dialysis: The Ultimate Motivator. Or Mutumbo's elbows. I know the answer to Dikembe's most famous query: right now, it's Rod Thorn. While we are running through Hoya alumni, why not give Patrick Ewing a call? He's a little chubby now, yeah, but do you really care? You think he's not a tremendous upgrade over the junk you got in the middle now?
Whateva. We'll give the Nets the 7th spot. The Pacers dropped another one tonight, and are currently accelerating towards the lottery at 9.8 m/s2 (more BX SCIENCE, HERB)... the Magic are also heading down at the same rate, proving that a feather and a brick both fall at the same speed.
The means that the Knicks are fighting themselves for the 8th spot. David Lee has gone the way of Jamal Crawford; Q-Rich is sporadic. Let's get it together, roster. I like Malik Rose's veteran presence as much as the next guy, but yo... I don't need to see him on the court. But right now we are down to Curry, Frye, Balkman, Jeffries, Francis, Marbury, Mardy Collins and sometimes Richardson. Nate, love ya, but go have some more ice cream. Jerome James, there are six million ways to die. I hope that, much like the 31 Flavors of Baskin & Robbins, you get to taste them all, at least twice a day.
Thank goodness the 76ers played like ass tonight against the Hawks. They were starting to scare us.
Leave a comment
With Jefferson back, the Nets look like they might go on a tear. If so, they could lock up that 7-spot. You know what that would mean: First round series against the Cavs. Vince Carter vs. LeBron, best of seven, let's see who can give a sh*t less! It's the apathy championship. They should just have Carter and LeBron do the tip-off, so they can spend the rest of the game orbiting the half court circle like two electrons in an S-subshell around a nucleus (BRONX SCIENCE, HERBS!).
We kid. We love Air Pussy. Especially when he's lighting it up like a burning magnesium strip. But he's the only player in the NBA whose over/under line for "effort level" is set at his shoe size: What's it going to be tonight, Vince? Another 16% effort night? Why don't we save time and just pencil in my fantasy team for a 7-23, 2-8 3PT, 2-4 FT, 18 Pt, 5 reb, 3 ass, 3 TO night, Vince? Thanks, and looking forward to the one "real" effort game you'll have this pay period. The Nets have an ionic bond with Vince: the Nets give, Vince takes.
Of course, to keep winning the Nets need to remember to actually play some defense. Yeah, that's what Sir Lawrence of BonJovia keeps screaming at you! De-fense. See, you guys are a "perimeter" team; you have no interior game. Air Pussy doesn't drive to the basket but once a month; your big men are... sh*t, I admit I don't know who your big men are. I heard somewhere you are starting Mikki Moore, but that's gotta be an urban legend, like the one about the Great Wall of China being the only man-made object visable from space. You really miss Alonzo Mourning now, don't you? I told ya you should have held his kidney hostage! No kidney transplant for you until we make the playoffs. Dialysis: The Ultimate Motivator. Or Mutumbo's elbows. I know the answer to Dikembe's most famous query: right now, it's Rod Thorn. While we are running through Hoya alumni, why not give Patrick Ewing a call? He's a little chubby now, yeah, but do you really care? You think he's not a tremendous upgrade over the junk you got in the middle now?
Whateva. We'll give the Nets the 7th spot. The Pacers dropped another one tonight, and are currently accelerating towards the lottery at 9.8 m/s2 (more BX SCIENCE, HERB)... the Magic are also heading down at the same rate, proving that a feather and a brick both fall at the same speed.
The means that the Knicks are fighting themselves for the 8th spot. David Lee has gone the way of Jamal Crawford; Q-Rich is sporadic. Let's get it together, roster. I like Malik Rose's veteran presence as much as the next guy, but yo... I don't need to see him on the court. But right now we are down to Curry, Frye, Balkman, Jeffries, Francis, Marbury, Mardy Collins and sometimes Richardson. Nate, love ya, but go have some more ice cream. Jerome James, there are six million ways to die. I hope that, much like the 31 Flavors of Baskin & Robbins, you get to taste them all, at least twice a day.
Thank goodness the 76ers played like ass tonight against the Hawks. They were starting to scare us.
Leave a comment
|
